Get a Friend

A large number of men have bought into the myths of about male-friendships and have adopted a long ranger attitude about life. Sure, they have basketball buddies, poker partners, golfing buddies, but no real meaningful friendships. Does that describe you at all? For most guys, their male friends are generally connected through some sort of activity, like golfing, fishing, playing hoops, playing video games, working on cars or biking. There’s nothing wrong about this. In fact, it’s wonderful. But the friendship doesn’t really go beyond the activity. No real ties are formed. No true bonds are made.

 

To be the king God created you to be, you must have at least one true friend with whom you can be real. Men tend to stay at the surface. Certain things can make us feel uncomfortable. This chapter is going to be straightforward. So prepare yourself to hear what you may not want to hear. Sometimes a good dose of reality serves us well.

 

We have to crush the myths that keep men from experiencing to true companionship. I’ve come up with a quick list of 4 myths that keep men from forming close friendships. These are simply based upon my own experiences and study of how men think.

 

Myth #1 - Friendships are for women

Okay…okay, let’s get this one out there in the open. In general, an average man views close friendships as feminine. He may not say it out loud. He may not even hint it. But chances are, he’s thinking it. A few factors contribute to this mentality. We live in a homophobic culture where men are afraid of being close to other men because they fear it will send the wrong message. Especially with foolish and ridiculous movies like Broke Back Mountain hitting the silver screen, a new level of stereotyping has emerged. Friendships are not feminine. Some of the greatest friendships recorded in the Bible were between two or three godly men.

 

Sure, there’s the friendship of Ruth and Naomi. But us men have such examples as Elijah and Elisha, Jesus and the beloved disciple, and David and Jonathan. We’ll talk more about David and Jonathan later. If you feel like friendships are a woman thing, get over it. This is a, forgive my language, stupid myth that robs men of enjoying the benefits of close friendships. Women maybe more verbally expressive, but it doesn’t leave us out. Men connect on a masculine level. We speak a language that only other men can understand.

 

Myth #2 - Friendships are for weak men

This one gets to me. The belief that only “weak” people need friends is ridiculous. Although friendship is a source of strength and stability, a man doesn’t make friends because he’s too puny to handle life alone. These kinds of beliefs are based more on fear than anything. If you feel this way, perhaps you adopted that mindset from your father or another man. Perhaps somebody taught you that you don’t need anybody, that you can take on the world all by yourself. Truth is, we all need each other. Not because we’re too feeble, but because life will eventually hand you a problem that no amount of self-support will conquer.

 

True friends provide a support system. They are needed for the value they add to your life. We’ll look at this in length in a moment. But the idea that friendships are for weak men is simply untrue.

 

Myth #3 - Friendships never last

I’ve heard it before, “what’s the use in building a friendship if it’s not going to last?” Not all friendships are forever. Some friends are closer during a particular season of life than others. Depending on where you live and work, your friends may change. It’s obvious that many of the friends you had in high school are not your friends today. Even though you signed each other’s yearbooks and said, “keep in touch”, chances are you never really did. At least I know that’s true for me.

 

To avoid making friends because you believe friendships don’t last, is robbing you of forming valuable ties. There are friendships that last a lifetime. But if you never put yourself out there, you’ll never know.

 

Myth #4 - Friendships are too time-consuming

Perhaps you think that you don’t have time for friends. While you may be a very busy person, no one should be so busy that they cannot talk with a friend. It’s not that friends take too much time. In fact, time has nothing to do with it. The real issue is “value”. Time spent on things you value is worth it. You wouldn’t consider your job a waste of time because you value the paycheck it gives you. If you value friendships, you won’t see them as timewasters. It’s all a matter of what things you place value on in your life. Hopefully by end of this chapter you’ll understand the worth of having a friend.

 

Of the four myths I listed and briefly described, which you do feel is most accurate about your life? If none of them represent the way you think or feel about friendship, then I would say you’re in good shape. But if any of them strike a cord in you, it’s time to deal with it. Maybe you had a bad experience where a friend burned you. You might be a victim of friendly fire. If so, you don’t have to live afraid of people’s motives. By learning from that experience, you can become wiser about who you invest in.

In my personal journey, I’ve discovered that there’s nothing quite like male friendships. I have about 3 really close friends that at anytime I can call them up, talk or simply hang out. They aren’t all preachers. If all I ever befriended were preachers, there would be an imbalance in my life. Having different types of friends adds color to my world. Plus when you surround yourself with people who are only like you, you run the risk of becoming one-sided. Pastors shouldn’t just be close friends with pastors. Musicians shouldn’t just be close friends with musicians. Mix it up. Different types of people will help you be multidimensional and balanced.

Maybe you’re a skeptic. Maybe you’re still not convinced that a man needs close companions. If so, don’t worry. You’re not alone. Many men struggle with building valuable friendships. Some men bond through their time served in the armed forces, others through schools and fraternities, some through just growing up on the same block, or shooting hoops on the same court. But for many men, friendships fizzled away after college, marriage and kids.

 

You need a friend. Not just your girlfriend. But a man you can share your dreams with and lean on for support.