Dangerous Relationships

Excerpted and adapted from his book, The Woman's Touch

In this section I submit to you some practical and valuable counsel concerning the danger zones in a young lady’s life.

1. The Dangerous Friend  

It’s very important to choose your friends wisely. Friends (whether we realize it or not) play an important and influential role in our lives. They can affect how we think, how we talk and even how we dress. I encourage you to build friendships with caution and prayer because sometimes the friends we have do more harm than good. There’s an old saying that says, “Tell me who your friends are and I can tell you who you are”.

Many young ladies have been negatively influenced with bad seeds which resulted into bad fruits. Negative feelings are the result of negative seeds which our peers can plant into the garden of our minds. Perhaps there’s a dangerous friend in your life whom you need to think twice about before you share your heart and feelings. This principle is for girls and young ladies of all ages. 

Here are some basic warning signs of a dangerous friend:

• Beware of friends who disrespect or disobey their parents or authorities. That same attitude might come between you and your parents.

• Beware of friends who look for trouble. For instance, if they want to associate themselves with destructive things like drinking, smoking or using other type of drugs. Even if you don’t do drugs, do not hang around situations where drugs might be active. It’s usually in those types of situations where peer pressure happens.

• In general, beware of friends who do not share the same values and morals that you have. Granted you are not always going to have friends who believe exactly like you (unless they’re from your church), but make sure they have some morals about them. It’s okay to be different from your friends, but don’t compromise your holiness and purity. 

By mentioning these things, I am not suggesting that you isolate yourself or that there is not an opportunity to save a dangerous friend, but I am suggesting that you guard yourself against things that will hurt you. If you have a dangerous friend that may be close to you or that you care about; invite them to a youth fellowship or invite them to do things that are positive.     

2. The Dangerous Flirt

As a young lady you might be starting or you may have already started to change your outlook about young men. I’m sure that the “cootie” days are pretty much over. But as a Christian you need to be careful of this growing problem between young ladies and young men. More than ever the Devil is attacking young people with lustful desires. I have personally seen more and more Christian young people fall into the sin of fornication. As terrible as fornication is, it doesn’t just happen overnight. It probably could with unsaved people, but with Christian young people, it’s a long and dangerous progression that begins with a dangerous flirt.

Young lady, whoever you might be, you must protect and guard your heart. Be vigorous to protect your emotions. You’re at a time in your life when you don’t have to worry about “relationships”. In fact, the relationship that you can nurture is your relationship with God, your parents, and your girlfriends. The Devil deals with young men and young ladies in different ways. He knows what to tempt you with and lures your attraction. 

Here are a few thoughts to consider:

• Do you "need" a boyfriend right now? You might have some peers that tell you that having a boyfriend is so cool. They make it sound like you just have to have one. But in reality, it’s much cooler not to have one. It will save you from emotional stress that your life isn’t ready for, it will open up your time to grow in God, and it will save your heart and secrets for your future. When you’re young, your mind, your heart, your emotions, and your life are not ready for committed relationships of the opposite sex.

• Just talking? Okay, what does that mean? That phrase is used quite a bit, especially when you’re a little older. I understand some young adults use this term as an honest approach to getting to know someone. But there are still many young people who use this as a cover-up for something more. “We’re just talking”. For some this is a way to enjoy the benefits of a real relationship without a true commitment. It’s a deceptive commitment founded on carnal desires that result in unnecessary broken hearts and friendships.In reality it’s to fool and frustrate your emotions until perhaps another “We’re just talking” person can fill the void. Young adult lady, be careful with this. Entertaining these types of relationships is like pouring water into a broken vessel, it may hold for a while, but sooner or later things will leak through. You may find yourself pouring more of “yourself” into a relationship that will ultimately leave you disappointed, dry and empty.

When you share your heart and secrets with young men, you leave a piece of you with them, pieces that they won’t do anything with. The more you’re “just talking” the more secrets you reveal of yourself. The day you actually find the right person you want to marry, those secrets of your heart will no longer be a jewel for your true mate. Sure, you might be able to restore some areas, but your future husband deserves all that your heart has to offer. Now’s the time you can be serving God with all your heart, preparing your life both spiritually and emotionally.

All in all, guard your heart from dangerous flirts. Focus on Christ and prepare your life, because “testing the waters” without a lifejacket (God’s protection) could leave you drowning in problems. 

Most young ladies dream about and look forward to marriage. But sadly there are some who are hurting from the fact that they’re not married. Perhaps you’re at the age when you feel you’re ready for marriage. Maybe some of your friends are getting married, but regardless of their time, someday your time will come.

While you’re single and active, you have the opportunity to grow in Christ to a great level. This is a time in your life when you can prepare yourself for your future. God has healed you of things from your past and has restored your heart for a purpose. This is a tender time in your life for personal development. Most importantly this is the time for you to live deep in the waters of God’s Spirit.

Instead of praying for a mate, pray for a ministry and a purpose in Christ. Some young ladies spend all their precious time worrying about when and who they will marry. Here is some valuable counsel, don’t get married because you’re lonely. Marriage is not the antidote for loneliness. Women who get married because they’re lonely usually settle for a man who is less of what they genuinely want. Because the reality is, after the wedding and after the honeymoon you’re going to live and spend the rest of your life with him. The last place you want to be is being married 5 years, looking at ole’ Freddy sitting on the couch and thinking to yourself, “Why didn’t I wait?”

There are backslidden women, abused women and abandoned women who are literally asking themselves that very question today. The man you marry should be someone that leads you closer to God, not further. If he’s far from God now, he’ll be far from God later. My advice is, don’t gamble your future with the hopes that he’ll change. This is your life! It’s time to take hold it.

Enjoy the fact that you have your personal freedom. You can pray when you want, fast when you want, cook when you want, clean when you want, come and go as you want and treat yourself to nice things when you want. Being lonely, being broke or being impatient is not enough reason to jump into marriage. Pack light and let God work out your future. He will ultimately work out everything when you make Him your number one priority. God will arrange your life in a way that will bless you no matter what comes against you.